My name’s John Park. I e-mailed you a few weeks ago, with a really long story that I can’t imagine you so much enjoyed as endured.
I don’t know if you’ll see this, but I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am that you got back to me when you did.
There’s a lot of shit in this world that seems to be actively trying to beat me into submission. The way my brain’s wired, other than the prescriptions and the therapy, all I’ve really got for a crutch is Spider-Man and Hawkeye and Hemingway books and books about record labels and books by and about all kinds and goofy punk and indie-rock music like The Ergs! and also I’ve got the Mountain Goats and some strained friendships. I’ve got some really absurd relationship issues, and I’ve got a dad who’s basically a fuckup, and a little sister about whom I almost constantly have to worry because of that, and I’ve got the knowledge that I dropped out of my first choice school and ended up at community college.
I have some things going against me. I was kind of set up to be a loser.
I’ve got some stuff I can’t help. If I could change myself into someone who’s athletic, with good eyesight, without raging acne issues, who’s tall and who gives much of a shit about himself, and who’s good at dancing, and who’s good at talking to people, and who isn’t completely and outwardly insecure about just a whole lot of things, without any anxiety disorders, or any clinical depression, born into a family of good mental health, I would. But I can’t. And that’s okay.
I’ve not been in a very non-shitty place for a sort of a long while. And I’m coming to realize that I’m probably never going to actually be okay, or be not-broken. I’m never going to not be a loser. I’m never going to be able to live, just live, and not have to live in spite of something, in the face of it all. But that’s who I am.
So, the thing is, Geth, that after marathon sessions of your show on iTunes and after reading your book and all, I’m beginning to know that no matter how much pain I may feel right now (a lot), these are the times that are going to make me who I’m going to be. And look how you turned out, Gethard. I may very well be alright, you know?
I’ve been set up to be a loser, and I’m taking more than a few on the chin, but God damn it, I’m going to do my best. I’m a born loser, but, God damn it, I’m going to lose well. I am promising myself that much. I will never stop trying, and I will never stop trying my best, no matter what. I will fight.
This tattoo, I think, should hold me to that.
I can’t tell you how helpful it’s been these past few weeks to know that, no matter what else, Chris Gethard’s got my back. I’ve got Gethard on my side.
A little bit Mikey Erg-like, right?
Thanks so much, Gethard. It means a lot.
Lose well, man.